Harry Potter and the Parody Stone
by Weasleyfan98
Summary: When Harry met the Dursleys, Albus Dumbledore, Ron Weasley, Hermonie Granger, and more, funny things can happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello muggles and wizards, this is a parody of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. If you guys like this story please review. **

**Author's Note: I do not own anything of J.K. Rowling. If you love Harry Potter as much as I do, please review this story! Also if you like chocolate frogs and chocolate chips cookies review this story!**

Chapter 1

The Dursleys

It all started with Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort. If he didn't kill James and Lily Potter, Harry would have been still living with his parents. Heck, even Sirius Black wouldn't have gone to Azkaban. But to make a long story short, Harry is now living with his aunt. Day after day, Vernon Dursley always makes Harry cook and do chores. Even Harry's own aunt makes him do chores. Not to mention Dudley Dursley, the son of Vernon and Petunia Dursley, bullied him 24/7. Now you might be wondering, why can't Harry just call the police and tell them about his troubles. Vernon and Petunia Dursley would have gone to jail and Dudley who have gone to jury. But none the less, this story is about Harry being stupid. One day…..

"Wake up Harry! Wake up!" Harry thought that the voice was his mother and said back, "Mum? I'm coming mum!"

The person on the other side of the cupboard started laughing so much that she was coughing into a dangerous fit.

"No, you dummy, it's your Aunt Petunia!" said Aunt Petunia.

Harry groaned and got up on his so call bed.

"Come on dipshiz! I don't have forever you know. I have to go to work!" came the low voice of Vernon Dursley considering the fact that he was enormously fat because he let Harry do all his chores after Harry was dump on his front door. When Harry got to the kitchen, all three Dursleys were sitting at the dining table waiting for Harry to make them breakfast. Well… Dudley Dursley is half sitting on the chair.

Harry was about to say the usual, "What do you want for breakfast." But it came out, "You guys are so fat that when you fell down, it made the Grand Canyon!"

Vernon Dursley began, "Harry, you better shut the hec-"

But Harry wasn't finished yet, "You guys are sick, filthy, and not to mention the F word you morons!"

Dudley gasped and shouted, "You won't dare say that word!"

"Oh yeah, you guys are FAT MORONS!" hollered Harry.

"That's it, you are dead!" screamed Vernon Dursley. He grabbed his chair and swung it at Harry. Thankfully our hero dodged it and all the windows glass shattered.

Petunia shrieked, "HOLY SHIZ! This can't be happening!" She nodded at Vernon Dursley and grabbed her own chair and throws it Harry. But our hero again dodged it again. Dudley started yelling, "NEW GAME, NEW GAME! Throw things at Harry!" Dudley grabbed the dining table and threw it at Harry.

Harry panted, "OH SHIZ!" The table crash upon Harry's weak body as he groans under the broken pieces. Vernon Dursley face became as white as a snowy owl. "Oh Fudge!"

Suddenly the broken pieces rose up in the air and hit Dudley so hard he puke out yesterday's dinner. Vernon and Petunia look at Harry. He rose up through the ash and pieces. He stood unsteadily and bellowed, "FUDGE YOU! I ALMOST DIED"

Vernon and Petunia gasped. Dudley rose up and barfed again. Vernon acted quick and grabbed a knife and threw it at Harry. Slow motion came in Harry's eyes. He said the one word that was in his mind, "Flipendo!" The knife thrown itself back and the hilt of the knife hit Dudley as he try to get up again. Dudley uttered, "Dang!" and fell back down in his pool of stuff that he barfed out.

Before Vernon can throw another thing at Harry, a big, enormous, fat person came in the room and roared, "OKAY, I AM AS MAD AS HELL. WHICH ONE OF YOU IS HARRY POTTER; I TRAVEL LIKE FOR 5 HOURS TO GET HERE SO TELL ME!" Harry gasped and raised his hand and said, "I'm Harry Potter!" The big, enormous, fat person roared again, "LIKE HELL YOU ARE HARRY POTTER. IF YOU ARE HARRY POTTER, I AM ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! MOVE IT YOU PIPSQUEAK!" The BEF (Big, enormous, fat) person pointed a finger at Dudley and roared back at the real Harry, "THIS IS THE REAL HARRY POTTER, CUZ WHEN I LEFT HIM HE WAS A BIT CHUBBY!"

As the BEF person handed the Hogwarts letter to Dudley, a word came across Harry's puny mind. He shouted, "Accio Hogwarts letter!" Just as he thought the letter flew into his bloody hands.

The BEF person gasped and bellowed, "DANG, I GOT THE WRONG PERSON AGAIN!" Harry said to the BEF person, "Will you stop screaming!" The BEF person gasped and said, "Sorry The Chosen One who will one day avenge his parents death." Harry gasped and said, "What!" The last thing he saw was a fist coming at his face.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Platform 9 ¾

All Harry remembers was a fist coming to his head. Harry woke and found himself sleeping on a bed in an inn. On the table, there was a note. It was written so sloppy even Harry needed a couple minutes to decipher it.

"Dear Harry Potter,

"Harry, I got all of your supplies for you and thanks for the -"It was crossed out so bad there was a hole in the paper.

Harry couldn't read it but it looks like 100 galleons. "Shiz, someone took 100 galleons from my Gringotts bank." He read on…

"Harry, I got you all the things that was said on your Hogwarts letter, sorry I knocked you out! You were knocked out for a day, so I got you a room in the Leaking Pot. I also got you a birthday present since it was your birthday yesterday."

"Shizzzz, I forgot my birthday, how dumb can I be." Harry moaned. He quickly read on…

"The birthday present is hidden in this room, try to find it or it will died in an hour!

Much love,

Rubeus Hagrid"

"P.S. Thanks again for the - from your vault, much appreciated!"

Harry quickly stood up and put his feet down on the ground and a loud screech filled the air.

"Oh fudge, what did I step on?" Harry said in a curious voice. He looked down and saw a half-dead owl lying on the ground with ropes tied on her wings.

"Hagrid! What did you do to this poor owl?" Harry whispered. On the owl's neck there was a sign that said, "Hello! My name is Hedwig!"

"Hi Hedwig, my name is Harry Potter, the boy who vanquished the dark lord: Lord Voldemort!" said Harry proudly. Hedwig chirp excitedly like she would say, "I would protect from Voldemort like in the last book where I died." Thankfully Harry doesn't speak owl language so he didn't hear that. Harry looked around his room and saw a piece of paper on the desk near his bed. He picked it up and read it. It read, "London to Hogwarts for one way Platform 9 ¾."

"What the heck is Platform 9 ¾?" Harry said out loud. The mirror in the room shouted, "Yo, you are so stupid, it is the train to get to Hogwarts!" Harry nodded and said to the mirror, "How do I get there?" The mirror sighed and said, "Take this portkey!"

Harry asked dumbly, "What is a portkey?" The mirror hollered, "A portkey is a magical thing that transports wizards to places. Gods you are so dumb!"

Harry looked at the pencil on the desk and closed his eyes and touched it. Nothing happened. Harry open one eye and then the other and said, "Why am I not there yet!"

If the mirror was a person, the person would have popped a vein because Harry was so stupid! "You have to touch the book on the desk not the pencil, you dumb boy!" Harry glanced at the book and touch it and it transport him to Platform 9 ¾. "Shizzz! I forgot to get my bags and my owl!" He quickly looked around and saw a couple of red heads walking around the wall on platform 9 ¾. He ran up to them and said, "I need to get my luggage back at my apartment in the Leaky Pot. Think you could help." A fat stout red head turn around and said in a jolly voice, "Why yes! Tell me your room and I will get them!" Harry told her and she said, "Jolly, why don't get acquainted with my sons and daughter!" Harry turned around and two red head teens ran up to him and said," You're Harry Potter!" Harry looked around and then looks back to the teens and said, "Yeah I am Harry Potter!" The teen on the right said, "I am George Weasley and this nut is Fred Weasley! That girl is Ginny Weasley who will be your wife in the future!"

"WHAT!" said Harry! "She is going to be my wife!" "Oh Shiz!" said George. Fred quickly said, "That young man is our nerd brother Percy Weasley and the young boy is our brother Ronald Weasley!"

As you now know, Harry is kinda dumb so he forgot about his wife, Ginny, for now. WHOOSH! And the fat, stout woman came back holding Harry's bags! "Thanks Mrs. Weasley" said Harry nicely. "Anything for you my dear, since you are the famous Harry Potter who vanquished the dark lord: Voldemort." Harry nodded and said, "How do we-"Mrs. Weasley suddenly pushed Harry through the wall. Harry screamed and landed hard on his butt on the cold floor!

"Fudge!" Harry said and got up slowly! WHAM! The other 6 Weasleys crashed upon Harry as they were going into Platform 9 ¾. "What the heck, Potter! You should have kept going!" Harry muttered "Sorry!" "Well it doesn't matter!" said Mrs. Weasley. Mrs. Weasley looks at her watch and screamed, "My look at the time, I have to go home now! BYE!"

She quickly disappeared and vanished into thin air. "Now what!" said Harry. Fred muttered , "It doesn't matter, me and George are gonna ditched our 7th year here anyways because of Professor Umbridge." "What!" said Harry. Fred suddenly out of the blue punch Harry in the stomach as he fell down to the ground…

**Author's Note: Plz review if you like Severus Snape being a good guy!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Hogwarts Train

Harry yet again woke up in a daze and murmur, "Where am I this time?"

"Are you really Harry Potter?" said a voice above him.

Harry stood up and felt like half his coins in his bag have been gone. Harry look around and saw the young red head boy from Platform 9 ¾. Harry nodded and said back, "Are you Ronald Weasley?" Ron nodded his head slowly and answered back, "Sorry for wasting all your money on the food, here is a chocolate frog!" Harry stared at him and shouted, "Why did you waste my money you moron! The money is from my vault, why did you take it!"

Ron's face became as red as a tomato. "Sorry for taking the money, I was really hungry and I saw the money in your pocket. Harry, I am very sorry!" Harry began to calm down and open the chocolate frog box. A chocolate frog jumped on the window and Ron said, "Wow, there is actually a frog in the box." Harry quickly grabbed a knife and stabbed it. Ron gasped and said, "Harry why did you stabbed that poor thing, you were supposed to let it go free." Harry bellowed, "Then why did your kind make this candy for kids to eat when it is already living." Ron was about to say something, but closed his mouth. Harry quickly grabbed some candy and started shoving into his mouth and said, "This is very good!"

Ron quickly started a conversation and said, "Have you really got- you know…"

He pointed at Harry's forehead. "As we all know Harry is dumb and he was a bit mad that Ron stolen his money and slapped, "What Ron! What do I have! Spit it out already! I don't have all day! I don't even think you know who I am!"

He quickly opened the door of its compartment and grabbed a pale boy in the room and asked him, "Do you know who I am?" The pale boy stared at him and answered excitedly, "You're the famous Harry Potter!"

Harry answered back, "Dang right, I'm Harry Potter. Finally someone know who I am! Who are you?" Ron started saying, "Harry! Don't-"

"Shut up Ron! You had your chance to be my friend!" Harry said.

The pale boy went out the door and called out, "Grabbe, Goyle!" Two tall kids came in and said, "Wats up!" The pale boy said, "Hey Harry, my name is Draco Malfoy, this is Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle. Time to make Harry our friend!" Harry stood up and shook Draco's hand and said, "This pathetic person sitting next to me is-"

Draco finished, "Ronald Weasley, the poor Wizarding family!" Harry stared at Ron and said, "You never told me you were poor, I would never be your friend ever again!" Draco said, "By the way, my family is very rich and we even have a house elf that do my chores!" Harry said, "Sweet!"

A bushy hair girl came into the room and said, "My name is Hermione Granger and I am very, very smart!" Ronald quickly sat up and said, "Why are you here!" Hermione Granger said, "To get these two cretins out of here." She grabbed her wand and said, "Stupify!" The spell knocked the three cretins out of the room!" Harry stood up and said, "What the heck Hermione! Why did you hit the rich Draco with that spell Hermione?"

Hermione said, "Harry, in a few years you will hate them and also it is time to change into your robes, we will be at Hogwarts soon!" Harry said, "Why would you just come into our room?" Hermione answered back, "The conductor got several of us to go around room to room to tell people."

Ron said, "Is it by coincidence that you came into our room?" Hermione answered back, "I don't think so!" Ron whispered to Harry, "Wow I like her!" Harry stared at Ron and said, "Dude back off!" Ron's face turned red again. Hermione said to Harry, "When he is under pressure, does his face always turn red!" Harry quickly answered back, "I think so, and do you know that his family is very poor." Hermione said, "Wow, I would have never known that until you told me!" Ron quickly blurted out, "Do you know that the boy you are talking to is Harry Potter, the one who vanquished the dark lord: Lord Voldemort!" Hermione looked at Ron and said in exasperation, "Ron, would you please shut up and get smarter. God, I don't why to be in the same houses as you."

Harry asks, "What are houses?" Ron quickly said, "You are selected to be in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Do not ever be in Slytherin, because Lord Volde-"

"Ron, would you shut up and be quiet! God!" said Harry. Ron said, "Harry I'm going to marry Hermione in the future so stop flirting with her!" "What!" said Harry.

Hermione quickly punched Harry in the head and said, "Oh shiz, Ron stop telling Harry about his future! It is bad for him!"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Plz review if you like this story so far...<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Sorting Hat

Harry (yet again) woke up in a daze and (yet again) murmur, "Where am I." His "bed" was moving around. He looks around and saw Ronald Weasley sitting on the boat with him. He let out a groan and said, "Come on, not you again! Where are we?"

Ron quickly answered, "We are riding these magical boats to Hogwarts. It is only for first years only!"

Harry sat up and looks ahead and saw Hermione sitting in a boat with a chubby-looking freckled boy. He also saw the (fat) Hagrid sitting in a boat all by himself and said to Ron, "Well this is peaceful!"

A few hours later, Hagrid woke up from his drunken sleep and said "What, Dumbledore don't hurt me, I didn't gave drugs to these first year morons. Please don't fire me!"

Ron looked at Harry and said, "What is he talking about?" Harry stood up and yelled at Hagrid, "Hagrid we are already there at the gates an hour ago, get up you fat drunk!" Hagrid stood up so fast his boat sink and the water hit his shins. "Right, first years this way please!" They quickly walked into the gates as Professor McGonagall stared at Hagrid coldly and said, "First years come with me!"

Professor McGonagall was muttering to herself the whole time saying, "Why does Albus have to trust Hagrid so much, I swear he is going to get one of you guys in trouble as we all know!" He did…

To make a long story short, the first years missed their first sorting hat's speech. But thankfully, they didn't miss the sorting hat. Professor McGonagall said, "Harry Potter." All around the Great Hall, there were whispers saying, "Harry Potter, the-"

"Yo, shut the heck up! I am about to get sorted into my house for the whole 7 years! I need to concentrate you dumb morons!" bellowed to the students. Everybody quieted down quickly. Harry went up to the high chair and Professor McGonagall put the hat on Harry's head, but Harry stood up and said, "Whoa! Lady, that hat has been on more 3000 students' head and I don't know if they have lice."

Professor McGonagall said, "Potter, I am surprised by your behavior, 50 house points from-"

But Harry was nearly finish, "Lady, I am not risking my head for this old hat that my friend, Ron Weasley, can talk. I mean, come on, a hat that can talk, I am still not convince that magic is even real!"

Professor Dumbledore stood up from his chair and pointed his wand at Harry and bellowed, "IMPEDIMENTA!" The jinx hit Harry so hard; he flew back a couple feet.

Professor McGonagall said, "Students, this spell is call _Impedimenta, _what is the spell use for. Anybody?"

Hermione's hand shot up and said, "This spell make the victim stop moving a couple of minutes!" "Correct! 10 points to Gryffindor!"

Hermione said, "Wow, I am in Gryffindor!" Professor McGonagall nodded and said to Ron Weasley, "You are also in Gryffindor! Congratulation to Ron and Hermione to be in Gryffindor!"

The whole Great Hall burst into clapping and cheers. Mostly from Gryffindor, though.

After a couple more seconds, Professor McGonagall finally put the hat on Harry's immobilize head. In Harry's mind the hat said, "Difficult, hard to say." Harry's mind muttered, "Not Gryffindor, not Gryffindor." "Not Gryffindor, you could be great you know! Well better-SLYTHERIN!" The hat boomed. All the Slytherin students screamed as many students shouted, "WE GOT POTTER, WE GOT POTTER! IN YOUR FACE GRYFFINDOR!"

Professor McGonagall stared at the hat and grabbed her wand and pointed at it, "What in Merlin's Beard are you playing at. This could jeopardize the whole story! Change it!"

The hat quickly said quietly, "Harry Potter is in Gryffindor!" The whole Great Hall burst into cheers and claps! The Weasley twins stood on the table and bellowed, "WE GOT POTTER, WE GOT POTTER! IN YOUR FACE SLYTHERIN!"

Harry muttered, "Darn it!" and went into Gryffindor's table.

After a couple hours with the Sorting (mostly, it was all the chubby-looking freckled kid, Neville Longbottom's fault) they finally started eating! As Harry grabbed a chicken wing, a head popped up. "AHHHHH!" scream Hermione, "What the devil is that thing." The thing said, "We are the ghost of Hogwarts guiding students to classroom and much more. Harry grabbed his plate and wham it at the ghost, "Don't scare me like that!" Ron Weasley quickly chuck a chicken wing at the Bloody Baron which hit Malfoy's face. Malfor screamed, "YOU ARE DEAD WEASLEY!"

The Weasley twins stood on the table and screamed, "FOOD FIGHT!"

Pumpkin Pasties, Treacle Tarts, Chocolate Frogs, Licorice Wands, Peppermint Toads, Cockroach Clusters, Cauldron Cakes, Acid Pops, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, Butterbeer, Pumpkin Juice, and more food and drinks flew all around the Great Hall. It was chaotic, everybody were screaming and yelling with joy and pleasure! Sadly, this food fight only lasted a minute!

Professor Dumbledore bellowed, "STOP! IF ONE OF YOU THROWS ONE MORE FOOD, YOU ARE DEAD!" Everybody quiet down and sat down. Professor Dumbledore raised his hand and shouted, "Go to your common room and NO DESSERTS!"

To make another long story short, our brave hero did not get hit in the head or stomach. He went peacefully to asleep in his own warm bed…

**Author's Note: PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Halloween

A couple weeks and homework later, it was HAllOWEEN at Hogwarts! But everybody was talking feverishly about a troll on the loose tonight. (By the way, Hermione, Ron, and Harry are best of friends. Kinda.)

Hermione said to Harry in their common room, "Harry, do you think there is going to be a troll on the loose tonight?"

Harry answered back, "I doubted it, and these morons don't even own a troll. Do you really think Hogwarts have monstrous things that kill you instantly? Remember our last adventure when we met the three headed dog. It turns out to be an innocent Fluffy guarding a valuable stone called the Sorcerer's Stone which can grant one to live forever."

Ron and Hermione stared at Harry and said, "How do you know that?"

Harry thought back, "Hagrid told us remember…"

Ron and Hermione shrug their shoulders and went back in doing their potions homework from Professor Snape (aka MoronHead.)

A few hours later, they went into the Great Hall. Instead of floating candles, there were floating pumpkins. Harry shouted, "This got to be the worse Halloween decorations ever!" Professor McGonagall stared at Harry and shot a spell at Harry for rudeness, but Harry quickly duck and it hit Hermione. Hermione screamed and shouted, "What the fudge!" Her face was actually covered in dark chocolate fudge. She quickly ran out of the Great Hall. Ron yelled at Professor McGonagall, "Look what you did you moron!" Before Professor McGonagall can yell back at Ron, Professor Quirrell came running into the Great Hall and bellowed, "TROLL ON THE LOOSE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Professor Quirrell quickly fainted and fell on Harry's shoe. Harry screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, RUN!" It was pandemonium, students throwing food around, someone shot a spell in the air that said, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Students everywhere ran to the exit screaming, "AHHHHHHH!"

Professor Dumbledore stood on his table and bellowed, "QUIET!" Everyone shut up and stared at Professor Dumbledore. He said softly, "Harry Potter, you have detention and everybody go back to their common room." Harry muttered, "Darn it!" Harry and Ron followed Percy Weasley as the Gryffindor's first years do the same. While they were walking, Ron told Harry, "We should be running like crazy, why are we walking slowly." Harry thought about that statement and screamed, "RUN TO YOUR COMMON ROOM!" The first years quickly ran out of their sights and Harry told Ron, "Hey, let's sneak to the girl's bathroom!" Ron nodded and they ran to the nearest bathroom.

When they got there, a huge shadow fell on their heads; they looked up and saw the troll looking down on them! Harry screamed and they ran into the bathroom. They saw Hermione Granger washing her face. Harry bellowed to Hermione, "Get out your wand!" Hermione said to Harry, "Oh shut up Harry, there is no- AHHHHHH!" The troll came in and swung his bat and it smashed a toilet. Ron Weasley took out his wand and shouted, "STUPEFY!"A red beam of light hit the troll in the eyes and it fell down. Hermione shouted to Ron, "How do you know that spell, that is very advance!" Ron yell back, "My dad does it all the time to gnomes!" Harry stood on the sink and shouted, "STUPEFY, STUPEFY, STUPEFY!" 3 sets of light hit the troll and it fell on the dirty ground. Hermione shouted, "Stupefy!" The spell hit the troll on the stomach and it twitch.

Harry said to Hermione, "Are you okay?" Hermione nodded and said to Ron, "Is the troll dead?" Before he could answer Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape, and Professor Quirrell came in and gasped at the fallen troll. "Who did this?" Professor McGonagall said softly. Harry said, "We all helped kill the troll!" Professor Dumbledore gasped and said to the trio, "50 points to Gryffindor for knocking out the troll." Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall stare at Professor Dumbledore and said, "Are you sure?" Professor Dumbledore nodded and said to Professor Quirrell, "Next time, put your trolls in the dungeons, not out in the open!" Professor Quirrell nodded and stared at his feet.

Professor McGonagall said to Harry and his buddies "Go to your common room immediately!" Harry, Hermione, and Ron quickly went out of the bathroom. Hermione said, "Thanks for saving me guys!" Ron said, "Well we weren't actually- OUCH!" (Harry had step on his foot.) Harry quickly said, "What Ron meant was that we were glad that you got out of the bathroom. I mean we need your help for the homework right?" Hermione nodded and they went to their common room.

When they got there, Fred and George Weasley came up to them and said, "Oh my god, you knock out a full grown troll with spells. That is so cool. Harry, Quidditch is tomorrow! Are you ready?" "What! I play on the Quidditch team?" Fred looked at Harry and said, "We really need a seeker so Professor McGonagall picked you because your dad used to be a chaser himself. You are bound to have some Quidditch blood in you anyways!"

Harry started yelling, "Whoa, I don't want to risk my life. I don't have a broom, a team uniform, or the place anyways." George said to Harry, "Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore brought you a Nimbus 2000 broomstick." Harry gasped and said, "REALLY! Wow I really wanted one since I saw it at Diagon Alley!" The last thing Harry saw was a punch on his chest…

**Author's Note: I forgot that Harry try out that Quidditch thing, so I had to force it in there! Review this if you like my idea!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Quidditch

Harry woke up dazedly and stare around his bed in the Gryffindor Boy's dormitory. He saw Ron and the others lying in their bed asleep. Harry quickly looked under his bed and saw the new Nimbus 2000 racing broom. He quickly grabbed it and wonders in his mind, "Who open my gift?" The question was quickly answered when Harry saw a tiny note stuck to it.

It said, "Harry, sorry for opening the present. BTW, it was awesome! I loved it! The Quidditch match starts at 3:00 PM so get ready!

Thanks again,

Ron Weasley"

Harry groaned and looked at the time, it was 2:30. Harry quickly pointed his wand at the window near the wall and muttered, "Alohomora!" The window popped open, Harry quickly grabbed his broom and climbed on it _and _said, "Here goes nothing. Harry went to the window and jumped off. Harry and his broom quickly fell straight down the walls while Harry screamed, "OH SHIZZZZZZZZZZ!" Harry quickly lifted his broom and it straightens itself and it flew straight in the air! Harry screamed again, "AWESOME!"

A couple of minutes later, Harry flew to the stadium while people screamed and said, "ITS HARRY POTTER!" The whole Gryffindor part of the seats threw their hands up in the air and chanted, "HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER!" Harry saluted the crowd and landed on the field. A huge voice said in the air, "50 points from Gryffindor!" Professor McGonagall screamed. Harry shrugged his shoulders and walked to his team. The whole Gryffindor team cheered and the Weasley twins picked him up in the air and muttered, "Sorry with the broom…" Harry nodded his head gently and shouted, "ARE YOU READY TO LOSE SLYTHERIN!" The whole crowd cheered.

The Slytherin team walked on the field and Harry gasped and saw Malfoy leading the group. Suddenly a man came out in the field and grabbed Malfoy and muttered loudly, "You don't play in the game, but you will play in the second book, please sit back on the stands!" Malfoy's face went down and muttered something and went back to the stands.

Harry nodded to the man and grabbed his broom and flew in the air and the match began. Lee Jordon's magical voice rang the stadium, "SUP QUIDDITCH FANS! ANGELINA JOHNSON GOT THE QUAFFLE AND PASSED IT TO ALICIA SPINNET…"

Harry flew straight in the air and squinted down to the field. Harry quickly saw the snitch and zoom down and reach out his hand and an inch away from when his broom went backwards, forwards, sideways, and many more directions. Harry shouted, "What the heck, why is my broom doing thisssssssssssss!"

Meanwhile, back in the stands Hermione had an eye trained on Snape and said to Ron, "I think Snape did this, I am going for it." Hermione quickly ran down the stands and raced to the teacher's area. She quickly found Snape and grabbed out her wand. She muttered, "Incendio!" A fire started at his feet and Hermione quickly ran out of there.

The fire started quickly and Professor Quirrell yelled and shouted, "Oh crap, my vision is damaged! Snape watch out, I need to go to the bathroom!" He pushed Professor Snape and Snape trip on the stand and started free falling down the stands. Professor Dumbledore quickly said, "Levicorpus!" and Snape stop falling. Snape groaned and rose back up to the stands. Snape said to Professor Dumbledore, "Professor Quirrell is a moron…"

Harry quickly straightens up and zoom to the snitch caught it between his two fingers and shouted, "HECK YEAH!"

The whole stadium started cheering and yelling and clapping! The whole Gryffindor group started chanting, "WE BEAT SLYTHERIN, WE BEAT SLYTHERIN!" Harry saw Oliver Wood zooming to him with tears in his eyes and said, "Harry we beat them!" The three chasers went to the ground and screamed, "We did it, We did it!" The Weasley twins came down the ground and pounded their hands on Harry's back shouting, "FUDGE YOU SLYTHERIN, RUDGE YOU SLYTHERIN!" Harry grinned and smiled. Lee Jordon's voice shouted, "Party at Gryffindor common room!"

A few hours later, Harry found himself dancing and singing to wizard songs that he never heard of. Hermione and Ron were dancing and the Quidditch team was drinking Butterbeer. Hermione broke away from Ron and told Harry, "I think Professor Snape is with Professor Quirrell on the Sorcerer's Stone." Harry nodded and said, "I know, I am going to tell Hagrid to check on Fluffy!" Hermione nodded and started dancing with Ron again.

Harry quickly went back to this bed and said to himself, "Thank God I didn't get hit again!" He quickly glanced outside his room and saw Professor Snape talking to Professor Quirrell. Harry looked at them and shrugged his shoulders and went in his warm bed and began sleeping soundly….

**Author's Note: Please rewiew this story!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: If you want to promote S.P.E.W. (The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare) review this story! I am trying to write my stories, but... HOMEWORK! **

Chapter 7

The Mirror of Desire

A few more weeks later and many piles of homework (and Harry not getting beat up!) Hogwarts found itself o Christmas Eve. Hermione had left the trio to go back home with her muggle parents because she said, "My muggle parents are more important than Hogwarts itself!" To make a long story short, Hermoine was pelted with Dungbombs because of her insult by the Weasley Twins. Hermione was crying on her way out of Hogwarts. Harry and Ron decided to stay and helped Hagrid put up Christmas decorations.

After a couple of hours of hardworking, Harry and Ron found themselves staring up at the Great Hall on the Eve of Christmas. A few students and a few teachers were sitting in the round table full of food and gifts. Harry and Ro ate like never before. When Harry felt his stomach too full to eat food, he and Ron quickly stole a lot of gifts and ran back to theGryffindorTower. The loot that they stole was 2 brand new wizard chess, 3 full bags of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and many other gifts. Harry and Ron quickly finished 1 bag of their Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans and fell asleep on the Gryffindor' Common Room's sofas…

Harry quickly woke up and stared at the pile of gifts at the bottom of his feet. With a yelp, he slapped Ron awake and they both started opening their biggest gift. Harry quickly ripped the gift and out came out a silver cloak.

Harry groaned and said, "Wow! All I got for Christmas is a silver cloak. My god, this might be the worst Christmas ever!" Harry threw the cloak on the food and it suddenly disappeared. Harry looked at the disappeared food. Ron Weasley suddenly burped and Harry stared at Ron.

Harry said to Ron, "Did you vanish the candy? You freaking little pig! I am going to get you!" Ron Weasley stared at Harry and said, "That cloak you throw at the food was an invisibility cloak. That is seriously as rare as Dumbledore's Elder Wand!"

Harry stared at the cloak and move his eyebrows up and down. "Do you want to go to the girl's bathroom and...?" Ron Weasley nodded his head slowly and grabbed the cloak but Harry shot a spell at Ron's hand and yelled, "Dude, it's my cloak!" After a few minutes of yelling and a broken window (Don't ask!) Harry and Ron were wandering near a very suspious room and they unexpectedly went in the room.

Harry said, "Where the heck are we?" Ron's nervous voice said, "Are we dead?" Harry quickly slapped Ron in the head (with much difficulty!) and sai"We are in this wierd room not in hell." Harry quickly looked around the dark room and saw many boxes and books. In the middle of the room, there was a very long, tall mirror with a sign near the bottom, "DON'T LOOK AT THE SIGN!" Ron looked at the sign and said, "Harry, I don't think we should look at this mirror." Harry quickly said, "Don't be a wussy and let's look at it!" Ron looked down at his feet and said, "All right!"

Harry and Ron both looked at the mirror together and Harry gasped so hard he fell down and said, "I think I see my parents!" Ron Weasley to said, "I see myself holding the Quidditch Cup, The House Cup and Hermione is in the background!" He looked at Harry and said excitedly, "Do you think this mirror tells the future! I mean Hermione might marry me in the futu-" Harry quickly slapped Ron in the cheeks and bellowed, "MY PARENTS ARE DEAD! DON'T YOU GIVE A DANG!" Ron Weasley looked at Harry funny and said, "I don't see your parents!" A low cheerful voice said behind them, "This mirror shows you what you desire the most." He pointed at Harry and said, "Harry wants to see his parents and Ron wants to become better than all his brothers and sister." Harry and Ron gasped and both said, "Is this mirror dangerous?"

Professor Dumbledore nodded and said, "In a few minutes, you will be shaking hard on the floor dying painfully!" Ron gasped and fainted. Harry gasped and saw Professor Dumbledore laughing and said, "I am only kidding, jesus you guys are so gulli-" Harry ran to the old professor and slapped the professor as hard as he could and bellowed, "DON'T YOU EVER KID ME LIKE THAT! I COULD HAVE FAINTED JUST LIKE THIS POOR SOUL!" Professor Dumbledore said softly, "Sorry! Anywho, the mirror would be removed from this area and I advised you not to go search for it because it can cause one to look at it forever and one might even died!" Harry said, "If this mirror is dangerous, why not change the name?" Professor Dumbledore thought for a minute and said, "I'll called it the Mirror of Erised!" Harry stared at Professor Dumbledore and slapped him again. Professor Dumbledore looked at his feet and said, "Sorry!"

Harry quickly nodded and Professor Dumbledore and grabbed Ron up. He nodded and the two disappered. A few hours later, Harry found himself lying on his bed and wondering that the Mirror of Desire is important to his first year life. He thought of the cloak and his father and quickly fell asleep. Ron Weasley was thinking about Hermione, his future wife, and thought, "Hermione Granger is so cool and awesome!" and fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback

To make a long story short, Christmas went away with a bang! The two Weasley twins accidently burned the dungeons and Harry and his friends don't have to go to Potions for two weeks. They walked to Hagrid's hut because of their free period! When they got there, there were smoke rising out of the chimney.

Harry quickly knocked and the door and Hagrid opened it shouted, "What the heck do you want you moron you- Oh Harry…" He grinned and ushered them in his hut. Harry gasped and whisper in a rude voice, "My god, this drunken dummy lived in a hut with nothing in it! Ha!" Hagrid started whistling pretending he didn't hear that rude comment. Hagrid pointed at the enormous egg on his table and said, "Do you know what that is?" Hermione started to say something but Harry rudely said, "It's your mom! Ha ha!" Hagrid face began to swell up and said, "No, Harry it is a dragon's egg."

Ron Weasley quickly gasped and said, "Hagrid, those are illegal here at Hogwarts." Harry asked, "Why are they illegal, I mean they are very cute and cuddly and one of my friend's wands is made of dragon's hair so…" Ron Weasley quickly said, "Because of the deaths in valleys and lands. They are illegal!" Hagrid nodded and said, "I stole one from this guy in Hog's Head so it is AWESOME!"

Hermione screamed and pointed at the egg. The egg cracked and in a few seconds, slime popped out on the table and one of the slime shot at Hermione's face and she screamed! She quickly ran out and Harry and Ron waved good bye. Instead of yelling at the two, Hagrid was admiring the egg like Christmas came back again. The weather started growing cold and all of sudden it started snowing. Hagrid yelped and said, "CHRISTMAS IS FINNALY HERE!" Harry grabbed a club and swung at Hagrid's knee and it buckled. Hagrid fell down and said, "Coochy, coochy good dragon!" Ron said, "He gone mad!" Harry gasped and pointed at the table, the dragon flew in the air and Hagrid started clapping and singing, "HECK YEAH, HECK YEAH!" Ron and Harry stared at each other and groaned. Footsteps quickly came to their door and Professor McGonagall burst through the door and shouted, "Hagrid you are-"

Harry quickly pulled out his wand and shouted, "STUPEFY!" The blue jet of light shot at Professor McGonagall and she slammed to the door and fell down gently. Harry pointed his wand at Hagrid and threatens, "YOU BASTARD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. THROW THE DRAGON AWAY!" Hagrid started crying and his dog, Fang, jumped on him. Harry nodded at Ron and said, "Let's do this!"

Ron stunned the dragon and through the dragon in a box and he and Harry ran to the Forbidden Forest. Harry and Ron ran so far and saw many creatures. Harry grabbed the box and through it on the ground and shouted, "Alohomora!" The box opened and the dragon rolled out with steam coming out his ears. Harry screamed, "HOLY SHIZZZZZ!" The dragon quickly flew up in the air and bit Ron in the hand and Ron screamed," SHIZZZZZ!" Ron quickly stunned it again and the two of them raced out of the forest. Harry quickly said, "Accio moss!" A piece of moss flew into Harry's hands and he shoved it on Ron's hand and he calm down and said, "Harry, how do you know about that fungi?" Harry quickly said, "I read the potions book several times…"

When they went back to the hut, Professor McGonagall was still slumping on the wall and Hermione giving a tea to Hagrid and saying softly, "Dragons are meanies, we dumped the dragon in the forest…" Harry looked at Hermione and said, "Is Professor McGonagall's memory modified?" Hermione nodded and Ron said, "You know Harry, my brother Charlie deals with dragons, I think my brother can take care of him." Hagrid bellowed to Ron, "It is a SHE because of the facial expression!" Ron ran out of the hut and in a few minutes later, Charlie Weasley came walking in the hut and saying to Hagrid, "I get that dragon!" Hagrid nodded and when Charlie Weasley left he said to Ron, "Why can't you be like your brother?" Ron burst into tears and sat down on the ground. Hermione went to Ron and slapped Ron on the face and he gasped, Hermione said, "Shut up!"

In a few minutes, Charlie came in and said, "Hagrid, the dragon have been taken care of and you owe me 12 galleons." Hagrid shouted, "OH THANK YOU HERE TAKE THIS." Charlie quickly grabbed the bag and ran out of the hut and disapparated. Hagrid grinned and said, "There are dog poop in the bag that I gave him!" The trio laughed and high five each other.

A few hours later, the trio was sitting on the comfy armchairs and Hermione said, "How did you get your brother to come?" Ron face quickly blushes and said in a small voice, "I apparated to his place and got him…" Hermione looked at Harry and said in a small voice, "Harry I might have lost your invisibility cloak when I was going to Professor Snape's room to steal Felix Felicis or Liquid Luck…" Harry gasped and shouted, "Why do bad things happen to me!" Harry quickly stormed up his bedroom and saw a package and he quickly opened it. It was the invisibility cloak lying on his bed. Harry sighed and said, "Snape plus Fluffy equals Sorcerer's Stone! It is hiding underneath the trapdoor!" Harry slipped on the potions book and knocked himself out!

**Author's Note: PLEASE REVIEW this awesome, fantastic, great,wonderful, incredible, brilliant, and amazing story!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Through the Trapdoor

Harry quickly woke up and thought about what he had found out about Snape, Fluffy, and the Parody Stone. He quickly sat up and saw Hermione walking in their room. Harry bellowed, "YOU PERV, what are you doing here, this is the boy's room!"

Hermione came over to his bed and slap Harry in the face and said, "Shut the heck up stupid, Snape is going to get the Parody Stone tonight!" Ron suddenly walked and gasped and stuttered, "Harry-Hermione you two….." It was Harry's turned! He got out of this bed and slapped Ron and shouted, "Shut the heck up stupid, Snape is going to get the Parody Stone tonight!" Hermione came up to Ron and Harry slapped both of them so hard they fell down! Hermione said softly, "Concentrate boys…" Harry and Ron nodded together and Ron suddenly said…

"I just saw Snape limping towards the trapdoor where the Parody Stone is, he is going to do the impossible!" Harry listened closely and bellowed, "Let's get there before Snape does!" He looked at Ron and Hermione and said, "I might need to go to the bathroom so…."

After 30 minutes, Harry got out and Hermione and Ron stared at Harry and said, "Where were you?" Harry muttered something about bladder problems. After a few countless hours thinking about their goal, they found themselves under the invisibility cloak going to the trapdoor. Professor McGonagall was walking by and she muttered to herself, "Oh Shizzzzzzz, Albus is not here, Potter is going to get himself killed!" Harry raised his eyebrows to Hermione and Ron as if he was saying, first name basis eh! They walked closely towards the door, but suddenly Mrs. Norris came around the corner and Harry yelled, "OH THAT'S IT!" He threw over the cloak and bellowed," Avada Kadera!" Nothing came out of the wand, a young man came out of the shadows and said, "Harry you don't say that spell until the fourth book/movie!" Harry looked down and said, "Yes sir…" "Alright, let's get back!"

They walked closely towards the door click open and Harry said out loud, "Dang, this is going to be one heck of a night!"

As they descend down the stairs the 2 headed dog, "Fluffy, was licking and enormous bone. PHATTTTTTT. The trios quickly covered their noses as the dog farted. Hermione whispered, "Okay let's make a plan, Harry you…" Harry quickly flip the invisibility cloak (again!) of them ad bellowed, "Accio bone!"The bone flew at Harry as he dodged out of the way as the bone hit Ron and Hermione. Instead of growling at them and charging, the dog started crying badly!

Harry bellowed, "Reducio!" In a flash the two headed dog became a tiny two headed dog. Hermione and Ron gasped and said, "OH MY GOD, THIS IS HORIBBLE!" Harry pointed his wand at his friends and said, "Nothing happen…" The young man came out again and slapped Harry in the face and said, "One more time…" Harry nodded again and said, "Yes sir."

The three brave teens went into the trapdoor and they landed on some green long thingy. Harry quickly got up and two green thingy grabbed him and bellowed, "Fudge you green thingy!" Hermione said, "Harry don't struggled or…" Harry quickly bellowed again, "LET ME GO OR I SWEAR, I WILL TELL YOUR MOTHER!" The green thingy quit struggling and let go of the trio and dropped them into a room and saw flying things. Ron Weasley quickly said, "Accio the key that opens the locked door!" The key flew to Ron's hand and Harry and Hermione gasped and said, "What the fudge….?"

They quickly unlocked the locked door and gasped, "What the fudge again…?" It was Hermione's turned to do this. She quickly took out her wand and bellowed, "REDUCTO!" The chess pieces blew up into smithereens and one piece hit Ron and he got knocked out! Hermione gasped and said, "I must stay with Ron because if I don't Professor Dumbledore won't come and save you from Professor Quirrell who was actually Voldemort!"

Harry gasped and said, "What-"Hermione slapped Harry and said, "What!" Harry nodded and said, "I get Professor Quirrell!" Harry quickly went towards the door and saw one potion. There was a note tagged on the desk of the potion! It said, "Harry drink this!" Harry quickly drank it and ran through the door.

Professor Quirrell was looking at the mirror and said, "Voldy, it's time to-"He heard some footsteps running to him. He turned around and saw Harry running to him at full force.

Harry quickly rammed his shoulders at Professor Quirrell's shoulders so hard he flew into the Mirror of Desired and he went right through the glass! Professor Quirrell and Voldemort crashed onto the floor and Professor Quirrell lifted his wand but Harry quickly shouted, "Expelliarmus!" and Professor Quirrell's wand flew out of his hand. Harry touched the Parody Stone in his pockets…

He found out about the stone in his pocket because when he was in the bathroom, HE talked to Professor Dumbledore and he told him everything!"

Okay back to the story! Harry quickly grabbed Professor Quirrell in the neck and he started disintegrating. Voldemort came out and grabbed Harry's Parody Stone, but Harry shouted, "Avada Kedara!" and the spell hit him and Voldemort flew out of the room! Slow motion happened as Harry try to catch the stone falling along the polish floor and the stone broke! Harry gasped and said, "OH SHIZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

All of sudden, Professor Dumbledore came out of nowhere and shouted, "STUPEFY!" Harry's last thought was Professor Dumbledore is a dumb, stupid, bastard who shot me with a dangerous spell!

Professor Dumbledore kneeled next to Harry and he looked around. He quickly reached to Harry's pocket and stole his money….

**Author's Note: PLEASE REVIEW THIS STORY MUGGLES AND WIZARDS!**


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